Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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