I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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