sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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