he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
