Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
