the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
