Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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