Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
