You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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