He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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