We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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