i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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