lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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