hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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