3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
