I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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