Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
