So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
