He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
