I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
