i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
