My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
