Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
