He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
