Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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