Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there was a trapeze. enough said
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
