... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
