My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She needs sedatives and a leash
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
