Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think my vagina is haunted
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is my gift to your gina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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