I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
