You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
