If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
