how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
