just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
