put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
