New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
send nudes
from the living room?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
