I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
