Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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