Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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