the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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