I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
