I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
