Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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