I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
