i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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