so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
