I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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