We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
