i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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