you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
